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UCI Testing Cheaters With Clown Gas
Steve Burgess
April 30, 2025
You deserve more ARRO in your life!
Cheating Cyclists Face Helium Trap
SWITZERLAND — The UCI hopes to catch cheaters with comically squeaky voices by swapping carbon monoxide tanks with helium.
The sting operation follows the governing body’s seemingly unenforceable ruling to outlaw carbon monoxide rebreathing in training.
Undercover UCI agents infiltrated top pro teams and conveniently placed helium tanks around training facilities in hopes of catching a squeaker.
Tube Animals
At least one team discovered the helium tanks after noting their resemblance to clown supplies. With a surplus of inner tubes from the old days, they wasted little time creating an inflatable zoo.
Mama Mia!
Due to a container leak, [REDACTED] team’s HQ floated away with most of the riders inside.
As of this writing, UCI officials are working on a solution to bring the team home before the Giro d’Italia.
No, the team is not stranded up there. No, we don’t know if/how we will bring them back but they’re totes not stranded, ok?
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